the one where I AM TWO MONTHS INTO BREASTFEEDING!

I made it to two months!!

My first big goal!

I am so, so happy and proud!

 

Im feeding the baby without crying. Without jumping and cringing every time she latches on. I can shower and use a towel without any pain. Im pumping and freezing breastmilk.

I am literally in disbelief at the difference from the start... hell, even the difference to a week ago. It is totally true that it all gets better over time. I had many moms tell me the 6-8 week mark was when the first noticed a major difference. Here I am at 8 weeks & it seems to be the magic number for me. I still find myself doing the best when I can feed her at home and with my Boppy pillow but I have been a little more brave as far as venturing out in public knowing I will have to feed her. And by more brave I mean I have done it twice lol. Nipple shields, nipple shells, nipple pads, nipple cream, mastitis, meds, clogged milk ducts, multiple trips to the lactation consultant, feeding my baby every 2-3 hours, the shooting pains, cracked nipples. Here we are. 8 weeks and going strong. Like really strong. She has never had formula, never had a bottle (which is going to be a pain to break her into lol).. and just doing so amazing. It feels so awesome getting to say she is living off of Mommy's breastmilk. I find myself almost bragging when I say she is an exclusively breastfed baby. I am so thankful to the moms who were so helpful to me these past two months, I could not have done it without you (too many of you to list).

I will however make this point: I do NOT feel that my bond with Ava is any stronger than it was with Tori just because I am breastfeeding Ava directly vs how I pumped for Tori. My bond with both of my girls is equally as strong. Your bond with your child is not based on how you feed them.

I also feel more strongly about mothers trying harder to stick out the breastfeeding. I want any mother who reads this to know you can contact me anytime if you have a question or really just need a kick in the butt to keep going.. to keep working through the pain (it does get better!), the inverted nipples (you can work around that!), the all day long pumping (eventually you can space it out!), the tears (tomorrow will be a better day), the infections (medicine will work), feeling like you aren't getting enough milk (you just need to build your supply more, it doesn't come out of thin air!).

 

It. all. gets. better. 

(and if it doesn't- formula will be just fine)

 

 

 

the one with an update on Miss Sassy pants aka Tori

Oh this girl of mine. My first born. She has kept me on my toes since birth. Mastered the look of annoyance with her Mother since she was a week old. You can imagine how good at it she is now, almost 3 years later.
The past few months as Tori has gotten closer to the age 3, I cannot get over how much she is learning. SHE IS TOO SMART FOR HER OWN GOOD. She is singing her Abc's like she has been doing it for years, she can memorize and repeat anything she hears (and she does, so we are extra careful), she is counting to 10 in English.. and counting to 5 IN SPANISH. Yes, her "quatro" is a little more like "quatraroa" but she gets the point across. She is counting THINGS in Spanish, like she totally gets that it is numbers she is saying-not just words. Orcas, Pumas, jaguars, Dolphins.. she is obsessed. It is hilarious. What toddler talks about Orcas or Pumas? Seriously. Dan mentioned to her that we could go to the zoo this summer and she is SO excited. Last night before bed she said "Mommy, we go to the zoo? I see a Puma.. I hold it in my hand?". Ok, so she doesn't get that you cant hold a Puma, but whatever, small details.
With all of her amazing vocabulary and picking everything up like a sponge.. she is also gaining quite the attitude. For two days in a row now she has told me that I need to go in time out for making her upset. She knows exactly what she wants to wear.. oh and exactly what she doesn't, which is just so fun. She puts her own toothpaste on her toothbrush and soap on her hands.. and don't you dare try to do it for her. She is still not particularly easy to take in public. She is good until she is over it, and then when she is over it, watch out because she will make it known. We are dealing with some issues like her wanting a surprise everytime we go out which is a hard habit to break. Screaming. Her scream. The blood curdling scream. Sends chills down my spine. The neighbor girl commented to me that she "never heard anyone scream like that before". Yay for me and Dan. Tori still loves school but lately when I have been dropping her off she cries for me and doesn't want me to leave. The teachers say as soon as I leave shes fine again and they noticed she only started doing that when Ava was born. She might be jealous that she is getting dropped off at school and Ava is getting to stay with Mommy. Which then shifts into bedtime. Tori has been the queen of sleep for awhile. Loves it. 12 hours a night no questions asked. I miss her 3 hour naps she would take in the middle of the day. Anywho- since Ava has been born shes started fighting us a bit about bedtime. And waking up about an hour earlier than she usually did. Im not sure if that is because Ava gets to sleep with me or what but its my theory for now.
So long story short: things are always changing. Tori is growing wonderfully, getting so smart and giving me a run for my money each and every day..

One thing she has absolutely mastered: being a big sister. She is truly the best.

the one with the surprise Wednesday

I have said it once, I will say it again. There is no point in having this blog if Im not going to be totally open and honest.
Do not read on if you are squirmy or just don't want to know too much.
At my 6 week check up Tuesday, it was found that I had some placenta left over inside of me from giving birth to Ava. According to the doctor, this is not good. Words like hemorrhage, cancer, dangerous, bleeding.. they were all used. I was freaked out. This was on Tuesday and by Wednesday morning I had a 7am appointment for a D&E. Pretty much the exact same surgery I had when I miscarried back in 2014.
I was prepared as I have had the surgery before.. but it was a long day. I stressed to everyone I had talked to that I am currently nursing and it was a long road to get there and I was not willing to have that get messed up. Ava wont take a bottle. I have tried a few times now and she isn't into it. There was no way that in a matter of 24 hours I was going to have her figure it out. The solution to this was that I would bring Ava along to the hospital with Dan and I, nurse her right before surgery.. and then be out of recovery in time to nurse her again right after as needed. Luckily she gave me a solid 5 hours of sleep overnight so I did get some sleep before having to wake up at 6am, get ready, nurse her again and then head to the hospital. Luckily once we got to the hospital, everything was on time and worked out perfectly for feeding her. We were in and out of the hospital within 3.5 hours. I wasn't too scared of the procedure at all until they actually took me to the operating room. Bright lights. Cold. Lots of people. They strap you down. It is all really intense and with no control of my ever-so-anxious crazy brain I started getting freaked out. The beauty of anesthesia, within a minute of my anxiety picking up.. I wake up and everything is all over. The surgery went perfectly. I couldn't be more thankful. I got to come out of surgery and go to my husband and baby Ava.. and then head home to my dear toddler who was so excited to see me.
Recovery has been fine. Bleeding a little and some cramping which isn't pleasant but nothing major. The hardest part is that I can't pick up Tori. No carrying or lifting anything over 20lbs. Tori has been pretty understanding that "Mommy is sick" and she has to be more gentle with me. It is amazing how much more adult-like and understanding she is getting closer to the age 3. Recovery was said to take about 2 days and today I am feeling pretty good. No vigorous workouts or sex for at least two more weeks. Then hopefully, all of this will be behind me and I can finally get to enjoy this part of family of four life!

the one with a weekend recap

Friday is our favorite because it means Daddy is home with us! We love when Daddy is home. Mommy gets help. The girls get extra attention. Win-Win all around.
This past Friday Dan worked and then when he got home, we finished up some dinner prep and headed over to the Reeds house. 5 kids in a house because it is too cold to go outside and play is a bit chaotic but they all play so good together for the most part. Quinn got this helicopter toy for Christmas and Tori was obsessed. She loves planes, trains, pretty much any mode of transportation. She was also very quick to catch on when we turned her controller off so she wouldn't destroy said helicopter. Shes too smart for her own good.
Recently Dan's job changed some of their professional development requirements so now, one Saturday a month he has to go to work for four hours in the morning. Its really not a bad deal since its only four hours and usually Saturday mornings are my workout time anyways.. so once Ava is old enough, we will definitely have Saturday morning gym days the once a month that Dan has to work.
Anywho, this past Saturday was Dan's one Saturday shift so me, Tori and Ava had a really slow Saturday morning which I cant complain about. We watched tv, Mommy drank coffee and we stayed in our pj's until Dad got home. When Dan got home Mommy showered and got ready and then headed to US Nails for a pedicure date with my bestie, Meg. She just got back from Spain so I needed a full update on this trip as I had been living vicariously through her the whole week she was gone and I of course updated her on all things working mom life. I am the most exciting person to talk to ever, Im sure.
After my hour long break from real life, I took the girls to my parents house so Tori could have some playtime with her cousin Izzy. Those two. They have a really intense love-hate relationship. It is hilarious. And exhausting... but when they love, they love so hard it makes any of the fights we have to deal with worth it. Then fast forward to the evening and Mommy was relaxing with a nice glass (or 2) of Spicy Red from Nissley's vineyard. DELISH. If you haven't had it before, go buy it.. drink it cold or heat it on the stove and drink it hot. I promise you wont be disappointed.
Sunday: We were SUPPOSED to finally take our tree down. Didn't happen. Maybe this weekend. Dan went to get a drink with friends and then saw a movie. He commented that he felt bad that our time with friends is so lopsided right now (as in he gets plenty and I get an hour here and there).. but there is nothing we can do about that right now with me nursing. Ava eats every 2-3 hours and Im not willing to risk nipple confusion for time away from the house unless that time away from the house is work related and making me money. I am going to suck it up for a little while longer but really its not that hard over the winter. The winter is cold. No one likes to go out when its cold lol.
How was your weekend?

the one with a ladies trip

Dan and a few friends have made plans to go to this beer, bourbon and bbq event in April. I volunteered to come but was promptly kicked out as more of the guys committed and I would be highly outnumbered. Whatever, I don't want to come to your stupid event anyways.
Enter: Ladies day trip.

My girlfriends and I decided we need to do something fun while the guys are away for the day and something a little out of the ordinary compared to our usual plans. That has turned into a trip to Philly. That is our friend Jess' birthday weekend also so it is even more fitting to do something special.
I have been to Philly a few times but it has mostly been for partying. Bars. Cheesesteaks. I have never been for museums or any other tourist-y things. I have put together a list of things I would like to do while we are there for the day. Side note: I also cant wait to take my fancy pants camera along and be the ultimate tourist.

-LOVE park. That sign is so darn cute and I feel like I am the only person on the planet who doesn't have a picture standing in front of it.
-The Rocky steps. My dad would like to see that.
-The liberty bell.
-National museum of Jewish American history. Dans moms side of the family is Jewish. I find the religion interesting. I think it would be interesting to see. Although, I am hormonal. I might see something that makes me cry. Because well.. I cry.
-Max Brenner. I have been to one of these a couple of times in New York and it is amazing and since there is one in Philly, I must go. And hello, its Jess' birthday. We must indulge a little.

We will be squeezing in lunch and drinks somewhere between and also whatever else the ladies want to see. I am really excited! If you have anything else that I should add to my MUST SEE OR DO list, please let me know!

the one with my new years resolutions

I am a sucker for New years. I don't know why I think that it takes a new year to start something new but it helps motivate me.
Now to go on to my list:

-Run four 5k's. Four because it seems realistic to shoot for one a quarter. As of right now, I have been stalking a bunch of different races on facebook and the one's that stick out to me the most have been alcohol related. Surprise Surprise. Good thing I have my SIL Summer and one of my besties, Madelyn to hopefully help me meet that goal.
-Speaking of running goals, I want to break 30 minutes for all of the races. I know that doesn't seem particularly fast.. but I am not a fast runner lol. I am more of an endurance person, so breaking 30 min would be great.
-This next thing I don't know the details of yet. I want to figure out some anxiety control. I cant figure out how to make that measureable. If I get anxious about something, my brain goes a mile a minute. I cant stop it. It gets the best of me. If you have any ideas on how to make that a measureable goal, I would love to hear it.
-Sell more houses this year then I did last year. I wont share too many details but last year was a great year. I hit my goal of selling enough to keep me out of a 9-5. This year I would like to do that again plus a few more.
-Have a date night once a month with Dan. We do movies and drinks at home and stuff but once a month (at least) we need to dress up and go out and do something. Something that makes us feel young and free again.
-Talk on the phone with my Mammy and Dan's Mema once a week. Not just a text to say hi but a legit catch up on everything conversation.
-Have a ladies night with my girlfriends once a month. Each one of them brings something so special to my life and I need time with just them to have fun.
-Take my girls to Dutch Wonderland twice a week when it opens. Gotta make that season pass worth it!
-Go to the gym four days a week and go for a run outside one day a week (or more if I feel extra enthusiastic lol). That was my gym schedule before Ava was born, so once I get my 6 week clear to workout, back to the grind. 13 lbs until pre baby weight and 18 until I am at where I prefer to be.
-Tell Dan everyday something that he does that I appreciate. He does so much for the ladies of his life. He deserves to hear how special he is.
-Tell Tori something great about herself everyday that doesn't have anything to do with how she looks. How smart she is, how she is so good at making Mommy feel loved, how she is such a good big sister.
-Take photography classes (scheduled for February!)
-Take lots of pictures!
-Make it to the office once a week over the summer.

That's all I have for now. I may be adding as the year goes on.