the one where I'm a month into breastfeeding

30 days in. I'm celebrating. It has not been easy. I have cried lots and lots of tears. Held my breathe on multiple occasions as I got ready to latch my little girl on to eat. Got frustrated when I had to drop everything I was doing to feed my newborn again, you know.. just two hours after she ate last. Frustrated when someone knocked on the front door and I was topless in the living room feeding my girl. Frustrated when I had to use my shield for a week because my nipple was cracked. Bleeding. Then there was mastitis. Antibiotics. Showers where I couldn't let the water hit my nipples. Showers where I couldn't wrap myself with a towel because it hurt too much. Nipple shields. Nipple cream. Braless days. Engorged nights. Pumping. Not being able to help Tori because I have a baby on my boob. The pins and needles feeling that comes with letdown.
Things have been getting better. I am happy to say that other than the initial latch, the feedings have been mostly pain free. I don't know if I am super sensitive or a big baby or what but the initial putting her on me kills for about 10-15 seconds. I don't know if that will ever go away? I keep reminding myself that everything is better today than it was two weeks ago. If I survived two weeks ago, Ill survive this now. I also keep small goals in mind. From the hospital it was lets make it two weeks, then that turned into 4 weeks. Now my goal is 6 weeks. I ordered a nursing cover to use while out and about and right now its hard to imagine Ill ever use it. It doesn't come quickly or easily to me so the idea of being able to just feed her whenever and wherever seems so foreign. I can shower and dry off with no pain. I ordered a new nipple cream today.
It is very cool to know that she has grown and is doing so well just from Mommy's milk. Things are looking up. I am hoping things continue to work itself out sooner rather than later.

the one where Ava is one month old

Ava Estelle

One Month

 

Size:

Since my little porker was almost 9lbs at birth, newborn sized things were not really for her. She wore newborn diapers for about a week and fit newborn clothes for about 2 weeks. She currently wears 0-3 months clothing. I already have to go through the newborn clothing in her dresser and pack them up. Tears.

 

Health:

She is a healthy little peanut. Thank God. No jaundice. No colic. No anything. She gained an ounce a day from her 2 day check up to her 2 week check up. Her one month appointment isn't until Jan. 4th so I don't have her current stats but I can tell you she's growing. I think she already feels heavier. The only issue I can think of is that she can be gassy. We usually have an hour or so a night where she is very fussy and needs to poop and just complains until it comes out.

 

Feeding:

Breastfeeding. How I love and loathe you. We have got the latch down. You definitely eat way more on your first side than you do on the second. By the time you reach the second side I can barely keep you awake for 5 minutes. Breastfeeding still doesn't feel ok or natural for Mommy. I still need my pillow, clothes off, privacy.. I ordered a nursing cover but who knows if I will ever get comfortable enough to nurse anywhere other than home. I am wondering if I just have the most sensitive nipples or what gives?! Maybe I'm just a big baby. 4 weeks in. I have heard 4-6 weeks is the magic number for most people. Please Lord let it be sooner rather than later.

 

Sleep:

Ava is a night owl and doesn't like to go to sleep until the late hour of 11pm-midnight. That is tough on Mommy but we deal. When she wakes up to eat it is only to eat and she goes right back to sleep so I cant complain.

 

Extras:

-Ava loves her sister so much and is always watching her every move.

-Ava smiles and "talks"

-She loves to pull Mommy's hair

-She is always kicking her feet like she is trying to go somewhere

-She currently sleeps beside me in bed. Oops.

-Has taken a bottle once, I will introduce her more to them next month as I prepare for work

-Doesn't like or take a pacifier

 

We are so in love

 

the one where I am 3 weeks post partum

Welcome to what may be the most random blog post ever. This is anything and everything I can think of that is going on, 3 weeks into life as a family of four.

The first thing worth noting is that I have made it to week 3 in breastfeeding. It is still not comfortable but I will say it is going better now than it was in the beginning. I can even wrap a towel around me after the shower without pain which is a huge success if you ask me. I have had one bout with mastitis already and am possibly about to go through my second round, waiting on a nurse to call me back and confirm. Breastfeeding still feels like such a process to me. Get my boppy pillow, undress however many layers of clothing I am wearing, make sure I have my nipple cream, new pads for my bra, wake the baby up, keep her awake, feed her, burp her, switch sides, feed her, burp her. I have read lots and lots of blogs and different things online where it seems as though a lot of women saw a major turn around at the 4-6 week mark so I am hoping breastfeeding will soon be the "new normal" for me. Fingers crossed.

Tori has been regularly using the potty for two days now! It is awesome. She totally unprovoked asked Dan to use the toilet and now it seems as though she wants to just keep using it. We make the most huge deal out of it ever which she loves. Yesterday when she went potty she immediately yells "MOMMY!! I went potty! I am so proud of you!" LOL. It was adorable. It is pretty awesome that she just randomly decided she is ready to use the toilet. Since bringing home Ava, Tori's independence has been showing more and more, she seems so much older. She will be three in March which I remember that age being the age that I first really noticed how independent Izzy is and now here it is, Tori's turn to turn into a little woman. Crazy.

Dan and I have both said bringing home your second child is so much less stressful than bringing home your first. You aren't as scared and you aren't questioning anything and everything. We look at Tori and shes so perfect, healthy, smart... clearly we figured things out with her so we will figure it out this time around too. Life is pretty much the same as it always is except for the fact that now we have someones breastfeeding schedule to squeeze into the mix and it takes longer to get us all ready in the morning. I cant even say how many times I have gotten Ava completely dressed and ready for the day and then she has a poopy diaper blow out and its back to square one.

I haven't figured out how to shower and get myself ready with two kids if I am by myself. Tori loves Ava but I cant trust her with the baby to jump into the shower. So as of right now I pretty much hang out all day in my pajamas and then shower and change after Dan gets home or before bedtime. Poor Dan.

Speaking of Tori loving Ava, she is really the best big sister already. She is always hugging and kissing Ava. As soon as she gets up in the morning she asks to see Ava. If she is coming or going she always makes it a point to say hi or bye to Ava. She is also very protective and doesn't like when people hold her. She always asks if they are going to keep her baby in a very nervous and worried way. Adorable.

This week is crazy with Christmas around the corner. We are hosting Xmas Eve at our place for Dans mom, her husband and her brother in law, then on Christmas we are doing the morning just us, my parents house at lunch time and then my Aunt Josephines the rest of the day. Lots of running around but its ok, I am excited to see everyone, for everyone to meet Ava and for Tori to get plenty of cousin time.

the one where we are two weeks into life as a family of four

Eye infection. Ear infection. 24 hour stomach bug. Laryngitis. Mastitis. If you follow me on fbook, you already know.. these are all of the things that have plagued my home since bringing our dearest Ava home from the hospital. Dan feels better, Tori feels mostly better. Mommy still has almost no voice and is on a prescription for her mastitis. The mastitis pain has been coming and going, the meds have been working but occasionally I am getting pain in my chest still which is hard to determine if it is mastitis pain, bad latch pain, etc. The laryngitis has me whispering, but even that can be painful as I have a cough that has come with it making my throat dry and making me scare the baby when I am feeding her and start having a coughing fit. Tonight while eating dinner Dan says "I really hope you get your voice back soon".. right there with ya buddy. The hardest part of no voice is definitely Tori. She can barely hear me when I say something to her and if shes extra naughty for whatever reason, I cant raise my voice. She whispers her responses back to me, Im not sure if she understands that I am sick or if she just thinks this is the new way that Mommy talks lol.

Breastfeeding had been going just as terribly as I remembered it going with Tori. Our latch was terrible. Bloody nipples (sorry), cracked, scabbed, swollen. You name it, it was happening to my boobs. Thankfully after seeing a lactation consultant at Ava's pediatrician office we have been doing much better with the latch. It is still not totally pain free. The first 10ish seconds or so hurt and right now & I am dealing with some over production issues that leave Ava pissed when she goes to latch on and the milk squirts out everywhere. Poor thing cant keep up. Tomorrow is her two week check up and Ill be seeing the lactation consultant again so I plan to chat with her about what I can do to slow my milk down or help Ava learn how to handle it better. I am interested to see how much she weighs now. She was 8lbs 1oz at her 2 day check up. I wonder how much closer to her 8lb 9oz birth weight she is?! Lactation lady has me feeding her every 2-3 hours during the day (based mostly on how full I get) and then overnight I can just feed her as she wants to be fed. This has been nice. She has been consistently waking up twice overnight to eat. Once around 2am and then again between 5-6am. Night hasn't been terrible. She sometimes wants to stay up right before her 2am feeding and chill for an hour or so but she isn't super cranky or crying so its not bad. I rock her and rub her sweet little face and eventually she gets tired and goes to sleep.

Hardest part of the past two weeks is without question (next to bfeeding) finding the balance between Tori and Ava. I swear Tori only wants me to hold her, hug her, play with her, etc. right when she sees I am about to feed Ava. Tori has not understood why feeding Ava cant wait. But that's the thing, it really cant. Especially with how full I feel that I get, mix that with mastitis and I really need to stay on top of feeding her. Sometimes Tori will want me to hold her while I am feeding Ava and that is a real pain. I get so scared that Tor is going to climb on top of me and knock the pillow that Ava is on or something and then Ava is going to pull off my nipple or something lol. Im telling you, these are really the things that go through my head.

Best part of the past two weeks: Tori loves her baby sister SO much. She slept over at Izzys last night and old her Aunt Sum Sum that she "wanted her Mommy, Daddy and baby Ava". And tonight she tells me "Mom, I really love baby Ava" in the sweetest, most adorable big sister way ever. She always wants to hold her and rub her head.. and anytime shes coming or going she always makes it a point to say hi or bye to her baby sister.

I am finding that bringing your second child home is nowhere near as scary or stressful as bringing home your first. We are pretty much doing what we have always done only now we have to throw in a newborns breastfeeding schedule too. I think this would all be going much more smoothly also if I wasn't so sick right now. No voice and this cough is really throwing me off. There should be some sort of rule that mommies cannot get sick, ever.

the one with Ava's birth story

Tomorrow is one week since my second mini has joined the world. It seems like its been a fast week. Not in an annoying, perfect, this-is-easy sort of way.. but in a wow, life with two... visitors.. figuring this all out is a whirlwind sort of way. She has been a breeze as far as her personality goes so far. Shes sweet, she has an adorable little grin.. and she seems like being the second child is exactly what she was meant to be. Im not sure if that makes sense? I guess since having Tori I thought my second child would be my sweet, calm, gentle spirit. It is so far proving to be true. With that said, her short birth story:

Monday (11/30) at around 4am.. I woke up with really strong contractions. I woke up and literally started googling "What do real contractions feel like?".. "How do you know that you are in labor". With Tori being induced, I never had that whole "is this it?" sort of experience. I also only felt contractions for about 30 minutes before getting an epidural with her birth. This time around, I had hard contractions for HOURSSSSSSSS before I got my epidural. I had contractions at home until about 6:30 am when I got checked into the hospital. Then contractions through triage, checking in, etc. By the time I got my epidural I was almost 5 centimeters and 90% effaced. Contractions are brutal. Really, really brutal. Anyways...
Once I got my epidural, and to no one's surprise, I felt like a million bucks. We watched tv, chatted with really sweet nurses, took calls and texts and all of that good stuff..I had lots of check ups along the way and finally around 4pm.. the midwife/nurse got the labor table ready and it was time to go. I pushed a total of 8 minutes. By the time her head and shoulders were out the midwife asked me if I wanted to "pull her out".. I was SO pumped. I found my inner Kourtney Kardashian (only KUWTK fans would think that's funny lol) and pulled my baby girl out and laid her right on my chest at 4:20 pm. She was slimy, puffy and SO BEAUTIFUL. Right away Dan and I's first response was "OMG SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE TORI AT ALL!". It was surreal. My second baby was just born. I had two kids. Crazy. Who trusted me with that?! haha!
I really felt so good and confident with the entire labor. It was really amazing getting to feel like "Wow, this is what labor is really supposed to be like" (vs my labor with Tori, between the pre eclampsia etc it was not a good experience). I am so happy. I am feeling good. I am tired but I mean, duh. Sore... but it gets better everyday.
Right now we are tackling breastfeeding issues and a toddler who is EXTRA clingy to Mommy since her new baby sisters arrival. Those updates will be at another time.

 

Ava Estelle Rera 8lbs 9oz (big girl!!) 20 inches long!