the one where I talk about giving Ava a bottle

All things breastfeeding. Sorry people... but its a pretty big part of my life right now. My schedule goes around Ava and she is attached to me at all times. If I am going out... I must make sure Ill be able to a)feed her somewhere b)that I am dressed for easy feeding. Right now, the new obsession is introducing her to a bottle. It has been SUCH a ROLLER COASTER ride to get where we are today with breastfeeding. So many tears. Sickness. Latch issues. Introducing her to a bottle is sort of freaking me out. Is it going to mess with her latch? Is she going to prefer the bottle over breast? Is it too early? Is it too late? Will she feel like I deserted her? I sort of want to introduce her to the bottle for reasons like work.. and just in general getting the extra help.. and letting Dan have the chance to get special quiet time with her. And then on the other end, I don't want to introduce her to the bottle. I want breastfeeding to be our thing. I like that she needs me. I like that I get that special time with her. Dare I say it.. I might even slightly enjoy breastfeeding right now. Shocker.
I have an overnight trip I want to take with friends next month. I think I have said on my blog before.. having kids ages you. I love being a mom.. but hello, I am 28 years old and feeling 40 sometimes. I'm not ready for that. My girlfriends make me feel young, happy, carefree. I need to reconnect with them and with myself. For me to take this trip, Ava needs to take a bottle. And she would need to take it from about noon on a Saturday until Sunday morning. That is a lot of bottles. What if she thinks she is never going to get the boobie again?! What if she doesn't want it again?! What if she misses me so much she wont eat? What if she doesn't even notice I am gone? Someone help ease my mind. My overly-anxious, all over the place mind.