the one where I'm a month into breastfeeding

30 days in. I'm celebrating. It has not been easy. I have cried lots and lots of tears. Held my breathe on multiple occasions as I got ready to latch my little girl on to eat. Got frustrated when I had to drop everything I was doing to feed my newborn again, you know.. just two hours after she ate last. Frustrated when someone knocked on the front door and I was topless in the living room feeding my girl. Frustrated when I had to use my shield for a week because my nipple was cracked. Bleeding. Then there was mastitis. Antibiotics. Showers where I couldn't let the water hit my nipples. Showers where I couldn't wrap myself with a towel because it hurt too much. Nipple shields. Nipple cream. Braless days. Engorged nights. Pumping. Not being able to help Tori because I have a baby on my boob. The pins and needles feeling that comes with letdown.
Things have been getting better. I am happy to say that other than the initial latch, the feedings have been mostly pain free. I don't know if I am super sensitive or a big baby or what but the initial putting her on me kills for about 10-15 seconds. I don't know if that will ever go away? I keep reminding myself that everything is better today than it was two weeks ago. If I survived two weeks ago, Ill survive this now. I also keep small goals in mind. From the hospital it was lets make it two weeks, then that turned into 4 weeks. Now my goal is 6 weeks. I ordered a nursing cover to use while out and about and right now its hard to imagine Ill ever use it. It doesn't come quickly or easily to me so the idea of being able to just feed her whenever and wherever seems so foreign. I can shower and dry off with no pain. I ordered a new nipple cream today.
It is very cool to know that she has grown and is doing so well just from Mommy's milk. Things are looking up. I am hoping things continue to work itself out sooner rather than later.