the one where Im trying to find the balance

I've had some thoughts lately that have been weighing heavy on me that I sort of need to just get out. I have found that more often than not, when I do share these sort of feelings- there are a lot more people out there who feel the same as I do than that don't.

I'm at a weird stage right now. A crossroads, if you will.

I have been a Mother for 5 years and yet just a few months ago I have felt like I am more of a Mom than I am anything else.

That's a weird thing to wrap my mind around.

I guess it has come with having a third child. My life right now is managing my three children (ages 4 and under).. working so that I can financially support my children... sneaking in time with my husband when I can (so we can remember what life was like when it was just us sometimes)... keeping my house together.. and then, trying to be a friend.

I cherish my friendships SO much. I cherish relationships in general, so much. I am a people person. I am a people pleaser. I love to help people. I like to make people feel special. I will be the first friend to ask you how your parents are doing.. Ill be the first one to see how your new job is going.. or if I can bring you coffee when I know I'm going to drive past your office.. and it is hard for me that it has become harder for me to do that.

I am still ALWAYS thinking about everyone. It is what makes me a little crazy lol. I am always trying to figure out what I can do to remind people "hey, I'm still here!".. "hey, I'm still your friend!".. even if I cant text you all day long because I get side tracked by two kids who need diaper changes and a 4 year old who wants to practice her letters.. and a client who wants to see a house in an hour. I'm still here. I am still me. I guess its a different me now and that's what is hard to swallow for me and for other people. I'm just not going to be the same friend or person I was 5 years ago and I have to accept that.

I'm now the friend who loves you deeply, thinks of you often.. but needs you to show me patience and grace as I'm figuring out this new, very busy and very demanding life. I will continue to try to find the balance, meet me halfway. I appreciate you and you make me feel like 'me'.