1 month!

Tori had her one month check up today and it went great. This was the first time we saw this pediatrician at our office and I loved him. She is measuring great, 50% for weight and height. She has gained over a pound since her last appointment which is awesome. I was guessing she would be in the high 7lb range and Dan was guessing high 9lb range and she was right in the middle at 8lbs 11oz. I LOVE hearing how much she has gained. I immediately associate weight gain as her doing well and me doing something right. The pediatrician asked me if this was my first child, when I told him she was he followed it with "You are doing great. I never would have known you were a first time mom, I would have guessed a seasoned vet. Keep doing what you're doing". The doctor has no idea how much that meant to me. Having someone who sees children and parents regularly tell me that he thinks I am doing great was such an amazing feeling. He told me that this month I can expect to see more smiles (on purpose!), see Tori becoming stronger, and usually more sleep. He said most babies (obv not all) tend to start stretching out their sleep feedings to about every 5 hours around the 6 week mark. I will say that as every week comes and goes, people are not lying when they say it gets easier over time. I really feel like Tori and I are starting to get each other and although I certainly don't have all of the answers, I am beginning to get this mom thing down :)

Post baby fitness

Now that Victoria is here, I have started the weight loss countdown. I have been lucky so far, most of the weight I gained while pregnant (45lbs) was water weight and in the first two weeks home, I already dropped 30lbs. That is without working out or changing my diet at all. I know breastfeeding helps, and other than that I think I sweated the rest out. As far as working out goes, we are creeping up on that one month mark and I was told to wait until at least 4-6 weeks before getting back to my exercise routine. My hope and plan is to get my body into even better shape than it was before I got pregnant. I want muscle. I want definition. I don't want to just be skinny. I am also interested in taking up running. I have ran here and there for cardio at the gym, but never to where I have gotten to a "runner" status. I am not fast. I get bored easily. I think I will have to try running outside once the weather gets nice or running with a partner. My first 5k of the year is going to be the Race Against Racism in Lancaster. By the start of April, if weather permits I am going to start taking the baby for a walk at least every other day. We don't live in a great part of town so it will have to be something I schedule into the day where we actually go to a park or something, so any moms/non moms reading this who are interested, let me know! I would love company. I also have free weights and an exercise ball that I am going to start using and trying to do at home workouts. These can be hard  because Riley hates if I am home and doing anything other than playing with her so we will see. Right after Tori was born, even the idea of working out seemed exhausting... but I can definitely say, as time has gone on and I have adjusted more to the sleep schedule I definitely will be able to make time, even if its just a half hour a day to commit to a little free weight/ab workout action. Anywho, I will keep you posted on progress! Happy Easter weekend!

3 weeks and Im obsessed

Mommy is having a late night blog session because lets be honest, during the day, all I want to do is cuddle and stare at my girl. No really, I don't put her down. My pediatrician told me that babies have no concept of pattern or "getting spoiled" their first couple of months of life so I figured I am going to take advantage of that time. I stare at her beautiful eyes, her perfect little nose and her adorable lips. I rub her chubby cheeks and smell her and give her a million kisses. I cannot get enough of her. I ask her if she knows how much mommy loves her... and if she promises to be mine forever.. a couple of times the past few days when I have told her I love her she has given me the most adorable smile. No really, my kid smiles ALL the time. She has the best facial expressions and is very animated like Mommy. She will be 3 weeks on Saturday. This week seems like it really flew by. I don't know if it was because we visited my parents in the middle of the week or what?.. I am loving getting to take her places, it makes the day go by faster and it puts me in a great mood getting some fresh air. She is so easy to travel with. She loves her car seat and doesn't make a peep in the car. She is just so, so chill. Knock on wood that she stays this way, but she definitely gets that from her daddy, just very go with the flow and easy. Nights are pretty hit or miss. She has mostly been getting up every 3 hours and our routine is feed, burp, change, back to bed. The whole process is only 15-20 minutes and then I pump which takes me to about 45 minutes of being up. She did have a night or two where she got up and did not want to go back to sleep. That was rough but thankfully after a middle of the day nap we were fine. Last night she did really good. It was her first night doing 4 hour intervals, she woke up at 2am and 6am and then again around 8:30. It was amazing how much of a difference I felt getting to sleep for 4 hours in a row. I still ended up napping today which I am blaming on the fact that I did nothing all day, we literally stayed in our pajamas and just hung out the whole day, and when I say hung out I mean we literally watched 4 episodes of Dr. Phil. I didn't even shower until Dan got home lol. I am trying not to get too used to her routine now as every parent tells me their childs routine changed pretty often the first few weeks/months of their lives.. but I will say that every week that passes I feel more and more like I am getting the hang of it. Thank God. I feel like I am starting to become a "real mom".. like I was meant to be Victoria's mother. I was meant to know how she is, know what she likes, what she doesn't, know how to make her happy, make her feel safe and content. She fills my heart in a way that I didn't know possible. I didn't know anything was truly missing in my life until I met her. My sweetheart, my darling, my daughter.

2 weeks

Today Victoria had her 2 week check up. She is 7lbs 2oz, up 9oz in a week! FANTASTIC news. I immediately feel so much better about my parenting and how things are going once I hear she has gained some weight. I want to fatten this girl up. I had a talk with the pediatrician, explained to her that I am pumping exclusively and she was so amazing and supportive. I really love the pediatrician/the office. She is great at getting you in and out pretty quickly while still making you feel like she has time for you and you arent rushed at all.
She told me she could tell just how much I really love the baby and want to do the best for her because of me pumping. She stressed she knows how time consuming it is, how stressful it can be and how most people will switch to formula faster if they are having breastfeeding problems so I should be really proud of making it as far as I have with pumping. I told her my goal as of right now is to finish off the month pumping, then decide if I want to do two months and then probably start supplementing formula with the breastmilk after that. She reminded me that I have to do what is best for Tori and I. That is not going to be what is best for the mom next to me and that is ok. She also stressed that no matter how long I pump, I have made it far and formula is ok. She reminded me we are blessed with an environment where the water is clean, formula is at its all time high in how healthy it has ever been and my girl is doing fabulous. My confidence in being a parent is slowly getting better. No one prepares you (which I think is because there is no way of getting prepared) for how much you are going to question yourself as a mother. Your every decision is for this child and you cant help but question if what you are doing is right.. and what I have to remember is that even if its not right, its ok, I can change it as we need things changed.
My appetite is so weird now. I feel like I am never hungry until dinnertime. I literally have to make myself eat. I am trying to be good about it since I know your food intake affects your milk supply and with me pumping I dont want to risk it. Lots of water and healthy food. The only perk of this is my weight loss which I dont think I can even fully give credit to this for, I am pretty sure with my blood pressure issues most of the weight I gained was water/fluid.
The doctor recommended I not take the baby into public places until she is at least a month old. This is difficult because I am bored. She said to only take her out if I have to and its going to be a short trip. She also said not to let strangers touch her. WHAT?! If a stranger touched my child I can let you know right now there will be an armless person walking around.  
I love spending time with my girl, but she sleeps and eats basically... so other than the few hours in the morning that she is awake, she pretty much chills out. I can talk to her all I want but she doesnt talk back lol. I will have to make it a point to have company over more or maybe go to my parents a couple times next week or something. My sister in law Taylor has spring break next week so I will try to take advantage of her being around as much as possible!
So that is my 2 week update, I am excited to watch this beautiful girl grow, I knew she had gained weight, I could already tell a difference in her face (she has an awesome double chin) and I am excited to continue to watch her looks change and personality develop. For your viewing pleasure..

Feeding baby Tori

Victoria is 11 days old today, her technical "due date". 11 days which as of today feels like a lot longer than that. The adjustment to having a baby in the house, her feeding schedule, her sleep schedule, trying to get into a routine, etc.. it is overwhelming to say the least.
The first stress we have encountered has been her eating. She and I just have not been able to get on the same page as far as breastfeeding and latching. When we left the hospital she was about a pound less than what she was when she was born. It is not uncommon for babies to lose weight but this was the maximum amount that the Dr would like to see. They recommended I start pumping and supplement at least an ounce per feeding of either my breastmilk or formula to help her gain some weight. The introduction of pumping really did help put me at ease as I am a control freak and was really, really upset over her weight loss. With pumping, I have been able to know exactly how much she is eating and it brings my anxiety down a lot. We had a follow up with her pediatrician 3 days after our initial visit and she had gained 8 whole ounces. The pedi was really happy with that and said she would have even been ok with less than that. So as of right now, I am regularly pumping at least every 3-4 hours for at least 15-20 minutes, I am glad to be able to give her my breastmilk but at the same time, the whole thing is really exhausting. Waking her up every 2-3 hours to feed her and then on top of that keeping up my pumping schedule.. its a lot of work. I am giving myself small goals of pumping exclusively for one month and then from there deciding if I can do two months, etc. I am also still considering trying to get her to latch again once she is a little bigger(maybe another week or 2) and see if I can get her back on the breast again. I have heard sometimes little babies just have problems latching to begin with but it is a skill they can develop as they get a little bigger. Her next appointment is Friday, so if she has gained more weight again I may schedule another appointment with a lactation consultant for next week to help me out.
I have felt so stressed with her feedings. I know a lot of formula & breastfeeding moms & I cant help but feel inferior to the breastfeeding moms. I don't think anyone has bad intentions but I do feel overall that breastfeeding moms seem to be more judgemental than non breastfeeding moms. It has made me so upset and feel like I am a bad mother if I cant get the breastfeeding figured out. Luckily my husband is really supportive & has stressed to me that whats important is  that Victoria is getting everything she needs.. not how she is getting it. I know he is right & I need to stop being hard on myself. I am a new mother, I am a good mother.. as long as I am doing the best I can to keep me & baby healthy & happy then I am doing the best I can.

Victoria's birth story

What a whirlwind the past 10 days have been. Before I get into any detail as far as what being a parent has entailed for me this week, I wanted to post about Tori's birth story while it is still fresh and clear in my mind. It happened to be one of the best, most amazing, tough, challenging days of my life and I hope I can remember it forever.
My pregnancy had been really, really smoothe up until about week 36. That is where high blood pressure and high levels of protein in my urine had crept up on me, turning into pre eclampsia. I was terrified, Dan was terrified. Everytime I had a headache, looked pale or anything, it was cause for concern. I had a dr appointment where they decided they wanted me doing a 24 hour urine test for the 2nd time because the level of protein in my urine had sky rocketed to 2000, they dont like to see it above 300. This was a Wednesday, I did the test all day Thursday and turned it in Friday morning. The midwife scheduled a follow up appointment with me for that Monday unless she said they had cause for concern in which case they would call me to go in and be induced asap. I got the call Friday afternoon, it was a nurse from May Grant who said to me "We have some bad news".. No one ever wants to hear those words when you are 38 weeks pregnant, have high blood pressure and anxiety.. and she followed it with "Your protein levels are the highest we have seen for you and you need to be induced immediately, the sooner you can get here the better. Come to triage and we will be getting a room reserved for you". OMG.. I am about to have my baby. I have to call Dan.. he is not going to be expecting this at all, neither of us have packed yet! I call him and he answers while teaching and I say to him "You are going to be a daddy this weekend, we have to go to the hospital as soon as you get home". He was happy, scared, anxious... everything you would expect.Once he got home and we packed for the hospital it was hitting us hard, we were about to become a family of 3 plus Riley. We lined up a sitter for Riley, called our parents to let them know and also to tell them we would call them when we were ready for them to come to the hospital etc.
Once checking into triage they tell us they are super backed up, apparently everyone decided to go into labor the same day. We waiting in triage for hours, it was awful and we were both getting so annoyed and pissed, if the baby and I were in danger and I had to be induced immediately, why did I spend 3 hours waiting in triage?! Ugh, awful. 
Finally we got back to our room and the nurses and midwife started giving us an update on how everything was going to go. First off they told me about an awful medecine I would have to take through an IV called Magnesium. They literally all told me it was absolutely awful, most women vomit pretty consistently throughout the time they are on it and to not be scared or surprised by getting the chills. They also told me they would start pitocin on me and check me every couple of hours to see what sort of progress I was making. This was the kicker.. although pitocin speeds up contractions, magnesium slows them down but I needed it in order to be safe from the possibility of seizures so my body was pretty much going back and forth fighting itself with what to do. I had the chills pretty instantly, a constant headache and although I didnt vomit I was on the verge of it the whole time. They also told me I would have to stay on the magnesium for at least 24 hours after the baby was born which made me upset to think of how sick I was feeling and the chance I wouldnt get to fully enjoy my girl.
Once contractions started up they were AWFUL. I have NO idea how any woman on the planet gives birth naturally. I would breathe through the contractions ok but would get so anxious thinking there was another one coming. I was about 3cm dialated.. another lady down the hall was giving birth naturally and was literally screaming bloody murder lol. I was sick, kept calling my nurse "Nina" when her name was "Tina" and couldnt stop shaking. Stuck at 3 cm I asked for an epidural. The anestesiologist was amazing! I am normally terrified of needles but he was really informative, kept me really calm, and Dan did a great job holding my hand and distracting me. He kept telling me he was so proud of how strong I was being. By the time I got that I was 4 or 5 cm dialated and hit a wall. I wasnt really moving so they up'd the pitocin again and before I knew it, it was Saturday evening and I was 7cm. FINALLY MAKING PROGRESS. At this point my mom, dad, grandma, Dans mom, Dans brother, our SIL Taylor and Courtney were at the hospital. They would come in and out of the room to visit me and see how I was doing. Courtney was so amazing during this time, she brought a bag with a fan in it (perfect for Dan who needs that noise to sleep), an extension cord, a couple snacks, a few magazines, etc. All stuff that Dan and I happened to forget and definitely came in handy. 
10 cm. the midwife came in and let us know I was ready, my mom went into the waiting room and told Dan who at this point was eating out there with our visitors and his mom. I had been at the hospital 30 hours and was finally ready to get the party started. They came back in and the midwife started talking to me about what positions I wanted to deliver in. Feeling so sick and delirious I really hadnt though much about it. She also said to take my time, most first time moms are pushing for at least 1-3 hours so I would get there eventually. The first position we tried they had me sit up, as soon as I did, the room started spinning (from the magnesium) and I thought I was going to be sick so I told her I couldnt do it that way. She then introduced the "tug of war" method.. she tied a sheet around a bar connected over my bed, gave me the other end of it and told me to take a deep breathe, hold it in and push. I kept letting the air out when I would push, I think because I was used to breathing in and out during the contractions. The cool thing with the epidural was that I couldnt feel pain but I could feel pressure, so it was nice I felt like I could actually sort of feel what was happening the whole time. I felt when to push, I felt when she was starting to come out etc. After about 40 minutes the midwife said to us "Look down and see your baby girl" and Dan and I got to watch the most beautiful, crying, slimy little girl as she got put right on my chest. I started sobbing hysterically. I cannot put into words the amazing feeling of your child being born. Looking at her and meeting her for the first time, looking at my husband, the start of our family, I will cherish those moments forever. They will be forever engrained in my head. 
Other than feeling nauseous afterwards, some breastfeeding latch issues, a nurse who took me off magnesium and then had to put me back on because she didnt confirm with the midwife(yeah that really happened. I wanted to kill her).. I was feeling pretty lucky and content. My body went through something I had never done before and I was really proud of myself and of Dan for getting through it together.
After she was born, seeing Dan with her, watching her get passed around to our family and friends... the whole feeling was so surreal, this is what life is all about. She is my best friend, my mini me, my proudest achievement in my life. Dan and I feel so lucky to have been blessed with this angel. Victoria Luna Rera 6lbs 11oz 19in long. Perfection.

Goodie Bags

Since not being able to work, I pass time with things like grocery shopping, cleaning and doing random laundry/cleaning that needs done around the house. Yesterday while I was out, I picked up the things I needed for a project for Isabella's 2nd birthday. I told her mommy (Summer) I would work on her goodie bags and putting together a fun outfit for her. Her birthday theme is going to be Yo Gabba Gabba. She LOVES that show.. she got to see it live with her Grandma and Grandpa in Hershey and talked about it like crazy for weeks. The party is about a month away but I figured this next month there is another little lady who will be keeping me busy so now was as good a time as ever to get the bags done. This was a very cheap and easy project!

Supplies:
-Red paper bags $2.99
-White and black construction paper (I already had)
-Glue and Scissors (I already had)

I literally had to just cut the shapes out and glue them onto the bag. I didnt fill the bags yet so I could keep it easy as far as taking them to my parents house once the party is here but I was thinking candy, crayons, bubbles, random kiddo stuff. Didnt they turn out SO cute?! I am definitely getting Mommy craft practice... and I love it!