the one where I get real about my bad day

This is not a cry for help I swear. Its a real post. Its a mom-life-is-hard-and-draining-and-some-days-I-want-to-run-away-from-home sort of post. Why share? Because motherhood isn't always rainbows and butterflies people, and why would I have a blog if I wasn't going to be real? I have unsubscribed to a bunch of mom blogs who share only the dreamy stuff. The stuff where they are playing in a field picking flowers with their perfectly behaved children. Where their hair is in a perfect updo, they are wearing a beautiful floor length sun dress and they have their makeup on, fresh and dewey. ITS NOT HOW IT REALLY IS PEOPLE.
Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is amazing. There is a love that comes with being a mom that you do NOT understand until you are a mother. You might start getting an idea of that love when you're pregnant, but it doesn't take over your soul the way the love does when you are holding that precious baby. And then, fast forward to two years.. and there are tears. Not so much toddler tears, there are mommy tears. I cried today. A couple of different times. I have heard "boys are so much easier to raise than gitls" more times than I can count. I don't know what makes that true.. or if its true.. and as of right now I wont be finding out but my girl, shes hard. Today she hit me more times than I can count, she scratched my face and broke skin, she kicked me. She stepped on my toes enough times that I didn't want to take my shoes off in the house, she pulled my hair because she was "trying to braid it". She refused to sit in the booth at lunch, she climbed, she screamed, she emptied everything onto the table that she could (servers love us).. she refused to eat.. (and then told me in the car that she was "so hungry"). She wouldn't sit at her table for dinner, she wouldn't sit at our table for dinner, she wouldn't sit in her high chair for dinner. Pretty much, anything she could possibly be doing, she didn't want to do. She fought tooth and nail to not give into anything I said today.. and I don't know why? I don't know why these battles happen. I don't know why time out doesn't seem to phase her. I don't know why she will be so tired she can barely keep her eyes open but she will just fight the nap as if it just the worst idea shes ever heard. All of this drama and fighting happened over a few hours timespan. It is draining. I thought to myself multiple times that I wished I wasn't home. I was envious of those who don't have children and were shopping, or getting dinner with friends, napping or doing anything else in the world than what I was doing right then. Am I horrible for saying that? I really wanted to not be there today. I really wanted to not be around my child.
The hardest part of days like today are not even the hitting or anything physical. Its the amount of questioning I do to myself as a parent. What am I doing wrong? What should I change? Am I a bad mom? Does anyone else have to deal with this stuff like I do? Why cant I keep my house clean? Why are there always so many dishes? Why is there never food in our house? Why have I not put makeup on in 4 days?
Fast forward to bedtime.. and I am rocking this little tyrant of mine to sleep.
Mommy: "Did you have a fun day today?"
Tori: "Yes, I play with Mommy and Daddy"
Mommy: "Why don't you listen to Mommy, Tor? Mommy loves you and tries very hard to take good care of you. No more hitting Mommy, ok Tori?"
Tori: "Ok Mommy, love you".

I love you too baby girl, even on our worst day together, I hope you always remember I love you. I am proud of you. I am your number one fan. You are the love of my life.

the one where Im 28 weeks

How far along: 28 weeks!
Total weight gain: 22 ish lbs
Maternity clothes: Yep! I am no longer squeezing into my size small t shirts haha
Stretch marks: Nope
Sleep: Its been fine, thankfully
Best moment of this week: We had friends over on Saturday night and a bunch of them got to feel baby girl kick. She was literally doing karate.
Miss anything: Alcohol and my old face lol. I am officially puffy.
Movement: YES! A LOT! I love it.
Food cravings: More food aversions than anything else
Have you started to show yet: I am massive
Gender: GIRL!
Labor signs: Thankfully no!
Belly button in or out: It popped out this weekend!
Wedding rings on or off: On but I take them off halfway through the day as I get more puffy
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: Painting Tori/Ava's bedroom! Its on my October to-do list!

For the most part I am feeling pretty good. I go hours and hours without remembering I am pregnant. Then Tori will want me to hold her (you know, for two blocks down to the park)... or Ill annoy myself by dropping the same thing three times in a row and hit the point of officially refusing to bend over... those are my most intense reminders of how pregnant I am lol. People still tell me I look small for the most part which is nice to hear but I am getting right at that stage where I start to get puffy from head to toe. All in time for Madelyn and Chris' wedding haha.

the one where Tori has preschool orientation

Tori is starting preschool on the 15th. Big girl will be in the two year old program. It meets two days a week for 2.5 hours each day. So two days a week, Ill be getting up in the morning with my girl, getting her dressed (with whatever she wants to wear, of course), having breakfast with her, getting myself ready.. and taking my baby to watched and cared for by someone else two days a week. Two days a week someone else is going to be keeping her safe, making sure she is having fun, teaching her something new, making sure she is treating her friends nicely, cleaning up, sharing. Someone else will be trusted to be another 'me'. Crazy. She is more ready than I am.
Today we had her orientation. I got to meet both her head teacher and her co teacher. Both are so sweet, both are very educated, I could tell in our short visit both are very patient and are seasoned vets. Her co teacher looks exactly like what you imagine a preschool teacher would look like, petite, in her 60s, wearing a long dress, her white hair down and out of her face with a clip.
Her classroom was SUCH A CLASSROOM. I know what youre thinking, duh.. but it seemed even more like school than I thought it would be. The halls are white and bright and covered with so many colorful pictures, animals, designs, shapes. Her name is hung outside of her classroom door, with a little file folder where I can collect her paperwork and anything else the teacher needs to get to me. There are soooo many toys that Tori just loved. Side note: I need to invest in some Fisher price little people. She especially loved the farm and animals. It sounds like their day is going to be pretty structured (as much as a class full of 2/3 yr olds can be).
Security is tight at her preschool. I like that. You need badges, doors get locked. They run a tight ship there. The main annoyance I can see happening with the school is the pick up and drop off. You physically have to take your child inside to their classroom and pick them up from their classroom. Might be a pain with baby Ava but I am reminding myself that she will be teeny tiny and sleeping a lot so itll be a matter of taking her car seat in and out which will not be totally convenient but wont be the worst thing.
After the parents got an hour in the classroom with the kiddos we had a meeting with the director. So we left the kiddos there for the teachers to get to know them better. Tori wasn't even sort of scared. She said "bye mom!" and gave me a kiss... leaving the room was the only time I got a bit teary. 2.5 years has gone so fast. Parents don't lie when they tell you "the days are slow but the years are fast".
Fast forward to picking her up from the class and she did NOT want to leave. She was so happy and having so much fun playing with all of the toys and the kids.

"Mom, I play with my friends"
"Mom, I stay in my classroom"

When we got home from preschool the first thing she said to me was "Mom, I go to my classroom?" and I had to remind her that she doesn't start for a little while still lol. I am so glad she likes it, I am so glad its only just under 6 hours a week and I am so glad I didn't cry hysterically like I imagined I would.

In her classroom playing with kitchen toys

 

At the playdoh station

 

Pulling every toy she can find off of the shelves

 

Her very own bookbag hook

 

Playing in the rocks outside in the courtyard area

the one where we name the new baby

Naming baby girl #2 was no easy feat. I was positive we would be in the hospital trying to figure out a name at the very last moment. Do we stick with a "V" name? Vivian made the list.. Vaeda made the list.. and I had a ton of non-V names narrowed down that Dan was not on board with.

Then this little scene happened:
We were on our way home from New York (spent 5 days there visiting family) and decided to use some of the 4.5 hour drive home to get back to the name game. Tori is napping and we are listening to the radio.. A song by Adele comes on.. and I start thinking hmmm.. what about Adele? Ya know, no one would probably be able to think of anyone besides the singer so nah, not Adele. Hmm.. where else have I heard that before? Oh right, I have a friend who has twins named Adele and Ava... Ava... Ava. "Dan, what about Ava? It's pretty, classic, feminine, albeit a little more popular than I would normally like to go for.. I don't know anyone named Ava nor do we have any friends who have a kid named Ava". Dan... "Ava, well its a new one we haven't talked about so I don't know if I can commit yet.. but I like it".

Fast forward: Her name is officially Ava Estelle Rera.

Estelle means "Star" in French (and Toris middle name is Luna which is moon in Spanish).. our little Moon and Star. What makes our world go round.

 

the one where Im 26 weeks along

How far along: 26 weeks!
Total weight gain: 20 lbs
Maternity clothes: Yep! Summer dresses are my jam right now and just this past weekend I got 3 cute tops from a consignment shop (totaling $13)
Stretch marks: Nope
Sleep: For Tori, not so much which means for Mommy, not so much. I don't know if she is wanting to prep me for a newborn again or what but man.. she doesn't want to sleep, she wakes up in the middle of the night, she wakes up earlier than usual.. It is not fun and I don't know where it came from?!
Best moment of this week: Tori is starting to rub my belly and talk to her sister which is adorable. "Baby Ava!!!" as she lifts my shirt and rubs my belly. Oh yeah, did I mention we are naming her Ava? Ava Estelle Rera.
Miss anything: Alcohol and its way harder to paint my toenails right now.
Movement: YES! A LOT! I love it.
Food cravings: Dessert... which is actually not any different than pre pregnancy.
Anything making you queasy or sick: It changes daily but right now I have been battling a really tough case of acid reflux/heartburn.
Have you started to show yet: Yep.. that big, pregnant belly is out for everyone to see and Im seeing the change in my face now too.
Gender: GIRL!
Labor signs: Thankfully no!
Belly button in or out: In but on its way out
Wedding rings on or off: On
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: Trading in our car! Its time to make the SUV upgrade. Family car! Woohoo! Goal is to do it before the babe is here so its research, research, research.

the one where I'm in a lot of weddings

In honor of Madelyn's bridal shower this weekend I thought I would do a little recap of my wedding experiences. To date, I have been in 7 weddings (by next month). By the time all of my best friends are married, I think I will hit the 10 wedding mark.

I have been both, maid of honor and bridesmaid.
I have been a part of a destination wedding that I couldn't get to (so therefor I handled all of the celebratory events that were home including her bridal shower and engagement party).
I have worn gold, yellow, light purple, dark purple, gray and next month, navy blue.
I have worn short dresses every time but one.
I have had my hair all up for all but one wedding, where it was half up and half down.
I was not 21 for two of the weddings.
I was pregnant for two of the weddings. (about 9-10 weeks pregnant for one and 7 months for the upcoming wedding)
I missed one bride's bridal shower due to giving birth to Tori.
I missed one bachelorette party due to being 6 months pregnant.

Some of the things I would like to note about being in a wedding:
-It is a financial commitment. After you buy your dress, pay for your hair and makeup, shoes, your part of the shower, your part of the bachelorette party, and then.. if your significant other is also in the wedding... you need to really love these people. lol.
-You should have the entire weekend available for wedding festivities. Rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, day of, day after.
-It is so, so flattering that a person asks you to be in their wedding.
-You do not need to ask someone to be in your wedding just because they asked you to be in theirs. It should be who you whole-heartedly want in your wedding.

Tips for finding the perfect bridal party:
-Remember to ask someone who you know is a part of your life NOW. Sure, friends from way back then are nice.. but if you know that realistically they cant tell you what your fiancé's last name is or the last time you guys hung out, they are likely not going to be there for the long run (sorry people).
-Ask someone who is not a huge drama queen and is really going to let you shine as the bride.
-Ask someone who doesn't take things personally. You will become a bridezilla at some point or another so they need to be able to handle that.
-Ask someone who knows your family and knows how to handle emergency annoying family situations.
-Ask someone who has fabulous taste and is honest with you about fashion, etc.
-Remember the financial situation. Do not decide for someone if they want to be in your wedding. You may have a broke friend that you want to ask, ask them and if they decline due to finances then understand and ask someone else. Don't make them feel bad for not wanting to over extend themselves.
-On the other end of that, ask someone who understands the commitment financially. It is terrible when you ask someone and then they never want to pay for anything and act clueless about the fact that it was going to cost them money.

My list of MUST HAVES FOR A WEDDING:
-Alcohol (even just wine and beer is ok)
-Dj (Worth the money, there is nothing worse than a wedding where everyone sits on their butts the whole time)

My list of what you can do without:
-Programs. Seriously. No one looks at them after the ceremony and most people at your wedding will know who everyone is.
-Ellaborate flowers. Unless youre a huge flower person, then flower on.
-Videographer. You will not watch this video more than once unless you really love yourself. A lot.
-Bouquet toss and Garter: Played out. Old school. Not usually enough single people to make it any fun. Unless youre in your 30's, then maybe you will have a lot of divorcees at the wedding.

Here are a couple pictures.. I couldn't find one for every single wedding. Enjoy.

the one where I am 24 weeks along

How far along: 24 weeks!
Total weight gain: 15+ lbs (Not sure exactly but I have a dr appointment next week)
Maternity clothes: Yep! I have a couple of pairs of shorts that are my lifesavers right now and a couple of dressy tops that have been getting me through work.
Stretch marks: Nope
Sleep: Sleep is going so much better. Thankfully!
Best moment of this week: We picked a name!!! YAY!!
Miss anything: Alcohol
Movement: YES! A LOT! I love it.
Food cravings: Dessert... which is actually not any different than pre pregnancy.
Anything making you queasy or sick: It changes daily but right now I have been battling a really tough case of acid reflux/heartburn.
Have you started to show yet: Yep.. that big, pregnant belly is out for everyone to see.
Gender: GIRL!
Labor signs: Thankfully no!
Belly button in or out: In but on its way out
Wedding rings on or off: On
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: Painting the baby/Tori's bedroom and possibly doing a maternity photo shoot!